Can't Quiet Your Mind? You May Have Been Given the Wrong Meditation Instruction
Updated: Oct 15
By Sarah El Nabulsi, M.Sc., M.A., M.A. | DHA Licensed Clinical Psychologist, Dubai
Originally discussed on Mental Health AE with Ali Khawaja, S04E14 "Transcendental Meditation", October 1, 2026 (episode page)
"I can't sit still. I've tried clearing my mind and it just doesn't work. I must be bad at it."
Many of the people who need rest the most say some version of this. They tried an app. They tried a video. They sat down, closed their eyes and tried to make their thoughts stop. The thoughts did not stop, and they concluded that the problem was them.
When Ali Khawaja asked me about this on the Mental Health AE podcast, my answer was simple, and I stand by it here: you're not bad at it. You were just doing a different type of meditation, and it may not have been the right one for what you were trying to do.
The instruction many people were given
Many people who say they cannot meditate were taught, directly or by implication, that meditation means concentration. Hold your attention on the breath. Bring it back when it wanders. Clear the mind.
There is nothing wrong with that instruction. It is a real and long-established practice. But think about what it asks of a mind that is already overloaded. In a well-known study that sampled people's thoughts through their phones during ordinary days, Killingsworth and Gilbert (2010) found that people were thinking about something other than what they were doing almost as often as they were thinking about the task in front of them, and that this wandering usually went with feeling less happy.
So a wandering mind is not a personal defect. It is the ordinary state of the human mind. When someone exhausted sits down and treats every passing thought as a mistake to correct, the practice can start to feel like one more performance review. That is the experience behind "I must be bad at it."
Not all meditation is the same activity
This is the part I wish more people were told before they gave up. Researchers do not treat meditation as one thing. Lutz and colleagues (2008) described two styles that are commonly studied: focused attention, where you hold attention on a chosen object, and open monitoring, where you notice whatever arises from moment to moment without reacting to it.
Travis and Shear (2010) proposed a third category, automatic self-transcending, for techniques designed to go beyond their own activity rather than hold attention on an object or on the monitoring itself. They sorted practices from several traditions by the brain patterns reported during each one, placed Transcendental Meditation in this third category, and made a point that matters for anyone choosing a practice: different meditations should not be averaged together, because they are different activities.
In plain terms, here is the passage I would want anyone to take away. Meditation is not one technique. Researchers describe at least three broad kinds: focused attention, where you keep your attention on one object such as the breath; open monitoring, where you observe thoughts and sensations without reacting; and automatic self-transcending, which includes Transcendental Meditation, where the technique is designed to settle on its own without sustained effort. If concentration-based meditation has felt like a struggle, that tells you about the fit between you and that instruction. It does not tell you that you cannot meditate.
I want to be clear about what this does and does not say. It does not say one category is better than the others. The schools are all fine, and many people value mindfulness and breath-focused practice. It says they are different, and that a person who struggled with one has not yet tried them all.
The ocean and the surfer
The image I used on the podcast is the ocean. The mind is like an ocean, and thoughts are its natural movement. Some days the surface is flat. Other days the waves are high. You cannot ask the ocean to be flat all the time, because movement is its nature.
Trying to force the mind to be still is like trying to flatten the ocean by hand. What you can do is learn to surf. With the right training, you can learn to let the mind settle on its own. On the podcast I called that learning to surf, and it is a kind of control that does not depend on fighting your own thoughts.
That shift, from controlling to settling, is what many people have never been taught. They have been given a tool built for holding attention, and they have been using it to try to rest.
Why effort is the wrong tool for a tired mind
Some of the people who come to see me arrive already burned out. They carry heavy workloads, family responsibilities and a long list of things they feel behind on. I am not about to ask them to do one more demanding thing. I understand how stretched they are.
But I will tell them to learn to meditate, and the reason is effort. Transcendental Meditation is effortless by definition. The moment you start applying effort, you are doing a different kind of practice. So what I am really teaching is how to let go, which is often what an exhausted person finds hardest to do on their own.
On the show, Ali put the objection the way many busy people feel it: if he had twenty minutes, he could use them on three other things he was behind on. TM is practised for 20 minutes twice a day. For someone who is already running, that sounds like a cost. When I started meditating at university in 2000, what I noticed was that because I had those 20 minutes twice a day, I stayed rooted in who I was, and I carried that groundedness through the day.
If you want to know how the technique is taught in Dubai, my Transcendental Meditation page explains the course and includes a short introduction video.
If you have tried and given up
If you are one of the many people who quietly decided meditation is not for you, here is what I would suggest.
First, look at the instruction you were given. If it asked you to concentrate, clear your mind or keep bringing yourself back, you were doing a focused attention practice. Struggling with it is common and tells you very little about your mind.
Second, notice how you felt afterwards, not during. A practice that consistently leaves you more tense than when you sat down deserves a second look, whichever kind it is.
Third, notice where you learned. Many people have only tried what is on apps and YouTube. TM is taught by a certified instructor over a short course, rather than months of practice on your own.
And if what brings you to meditation is anxiety that already feels unmanageable, please do not treat meditation as the only answer. It can sit very well alongside therapy, and for some people a conversation with a clinician is the right first step. The anxiety FAQ on this site sets out the options.
People often conclude that something is wrong with them. Struggling with one instruction is not evidence of that. You were handed a tool for one job and asked to use it for another. Change the tool, and the person who thought they were bad at meditation may simply not have tried the right kind yet.
References
Killingsworth, M. A., & Gilbert, D. T. (2010). A wandering mind is an unhappy mind. Science, 330(6006), 932. https://doi.org/10.1126/science.1192439
Lutz, A., Slagter, H. A., Dunne, J. D., & Davidson, R. J. (2008). Attention regulation and monitoring in meditation. Trends in Cognitive Sciences, 12(4), 163–169. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.tics.2008.01.005
Travis, F., & Shear, J. (2010). Focused attention, open monitoring and automatic self-transcending: Categories to organize meditations from Vedic, Buddhist and Chinese traditions. Consciousness and Cognition, 19(4), 1110–1118. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.concog.2010.01.007
About the Author
Sarah El Nabulsi, M.Sc., M.A., M.A. is a DHA Licensed Clinical Psychologist based in Dubai and Director of the National Office of Transcendental Meditation in the U.A.E. With over 15 years of experience supporting adults and couples across the UAE through anxiety, stress, burnout, and relationship challenges, she is regularly featured on MBC, Sky News Arabia, Dubai TV and BBC Arabic, and the creator of the online courses Anxiety 101 (Level 1) and Master Yourself (Level 2).
Frequently asked questions
Why can't I quiet my mind when I meditate?
Because a quiet mind is not something you can force. Many beginner instructions ask you to concentrate on the breath and push thoughts away, and the mind does not work like that. A study that sampled people's thoughts during ordinary days found that minds wander almost as often as they stay on the task in front of them, so wandering is the normal state, not a sign of failure. Concentration is one kind of meditation. Researchers also describe open monitoring, where you notice thoughts without reacting, and automatic self-transcending, which includes Transcendental Meditation, where the technique is designed to settle without sustained effort. If concentration felt like a fight, it is worth trying a different kind with a qualified teacher before deciding meditation is not for you.
Is Transcendental Meditation the same as mindfulness?
No. They are different practices. Mindfulness is usually described as open monitoring: you observe thoughts, sensations and feelings as they come, without judging them. Many mindfulness courses also include focused attention, such as staying with the breath. Transcendental Meditation is placed in a separate category, automatic self-transcending, because the technique is designed to go beyond its own activity rather than hold attention anywhere. It is practised for 20 minutes twice a day, sitting comfortably with eyes closed, and requires no concentration, breath control, or mental effort. Neither is a lesser practice. They simply ask different things of you. Some people prefer the structure of mindfulness, and others find an effortless technique easier to keep up when they are already tired.
How much time does TM take, and how long does it take to learn?
TM is practised for 20 minutes twice a day. Learning it takes a short course with a certified instructor, rather than months of trial and error on your own. After that, the practice is yours to use wherever you are. For a busy person, forty minutes a day can sound like a lot. It helps to compare it honestly with the time already spent trying to switch off in other ways, such as scrolling late at night or lying awake going over the day. Whether it fits your life is a fair question to raise with a teacher before you start, and you deserve a straight answer. The course details and a short introduction video are on my Transcendental Meditation page.
Can meditation replace therapy for anxiety?
Not on its own, if anxiety is affecting your sleep, your work or your relationships. Meditation is a daily practice, and it can sit very well alongside treatment, but it is not a substitute for an assessment by a qualified clinician. For anxiety, the established options include cognitive behavioural therapy with a psychologist, medication prescribed by a psychiatrist or doctor where it is appropriate, structured self-help programmes, and mindfulness-based courses. Many people use more than one of these at the same time. If you are unsure where to start, speak to a licensed professional who can look at the whole picture with you.
Has meditation started to feel like one more thing you are failing at?
Structured, evidence-based support is available when you are ready.
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